Being Present

Being Present

“Wherever you are, be all there.” Many of us have probably heard this quote from Jim Elliot; fewer, I would guess, actually put it into practice. The practice of being present can be a difficult task if we’re not consciously making an effort to do so. Our fast-pace culture, constant access to technology, holiday planning, ever-lengthening to-do lists, and our numerous attempts at multitasking, keep us from being present. We’re here, now, but in our minds we’re a million miles away.

Perhaps you can relate. Have you ever taken out your medicine or vitamins in the morning only to stare at the bottle a few minutes later wondering whether or not you took one?

Ever get a shower at the end of a long day only to stop to stare at the shampoo bottle wondering if you just did wash your hair or if were about to?

If so, then you, much like myself, need to begin the practice of being present.

To get started, I looked up some different definitions of the word present:

pres·ent [prez-uh nt] adjective
1. being, existing, or occurring at this time or now; current: the present ruler.
2. at this time; at hand; immediate.
(Dictionary.com)

pres·ent adjective \ˈpre-z^ənt\

: not past or future : existing or happening now

—used to say what someone or something is now

: at the particular place or event that is being referred to

(Merriam-Webster)

Another way of thinking about being present is that whatever your body is doing, your mind is doing it also. We go through our lives on autopilot getting things done but in a way that is disconnected from our world and what our body is doing. Our hands are doing one thing while our minds are focused on another thing entirely. So often we’re worrying about the future or ruminating on pain or regrets of the past. The problem with this is that we’re not currently living in the past or the future. There is nothing that our ruminating will do to change the past and there is nothing that our worrying will do to effectively change the future. The only thing we have the ability to access is the moment at hand; sadly it’s slipping through our fingers and we’re not even fully aware that it is happening.

Living in the present moment means that when you wake up in the morning and you open up your vitamins and pop one into your mouth your brain is fully connected to what your body is doing. You don’t have to wonder if you took your vitamins or were about to take them because you were there, you were present, throughout the whole process. It means that as you sit with friends and family you’re looking at them, really listening, taking in the experience and connecting with them instead of allowing your mind to drift away to a million other thoughts that are vying for your attention.

So what are the benefits of being present?

Learning to be present can positively impact your life in several ways.

1.     PEACE – As you focus your thoughts on the present moment instead of letting them drift to the future your level of anxiety is likely to profoundly decrease. Think about it, are you more likely to feel anxious focusing on a nice meal you’re enjoying with your family or focusing on that big presentation you have at work on Friday?

2.     JOY – Keeping your thoughts in the present moment instead of letting them drift to the past is likely to decrease feelings of depression. Instead of dwelling on pain or regrets, instead of feeling empty and disconnected, focusing your thoughts and attention on the present moment can help to bring joy in noticing the little delights of your day that you would otherwise miss out on.

3.     LOVE – Living in the present is sure to increase your level of connection with those around you. The less time you are drifting away in your mind, the less you are distracted by technology and your to-do list, the more you will be able to share stories, laughter, smiles, and tears with those around you.

4.     PRODUCTIVITY – Perhaps you’re imaging that if you’re always present then you will never get anything done. Don’t be fooled. While we think we are masters at multitasking, studies have shown that we are actually more efficient when we focus our minds to accomplish one thing at a time. Being present isn’t only something to apply to our social lives but to our working lives as well.

So how do you actually go about the practice of being present?

Let's cover some of the basics:

1)   Put down the cell phone.
Technology is great but not when we’re sitting with friends and family and everyone is texting or searching the Internet instead of talking to one another. Make it a point to keep your cell phone in your pocket if you don’t need it. If possible, turn it on silent! Humanity survived for quite some time without constant access to technology, we can too.

2)   Breathe.

Take a deep breath in and then exhale slowly through your nose. Did you do it? Try again...breathe.....

Take a minute to really focus on your breathing; connect your mind to this most simple task that your body does everyday. Feeling better already? Try clearing your mind and focusing only on your breathing. As you do this, you will notice that your thoughts will start to wander – to the present – to the past – anywhere but the here and now. When that happens, accept it, it happens to everyone, but when you notice it, bring your thoughts back to your breath.

3)   Connect to the world through your senses.

Wiggle your toes. Seriously, do it... What do you feel?

The softness of your sock? A tight shoe? The warmth of a fire on your bare skin? Close your eyes. What do you hear? Music? Talking? The soft hum of a fan? Open your eyes. What do you see? Look closely, pay attention. Snow sparkling on the trees? People you love? Take a minute to drink it all in. These are the little delights of each day that we miss when our thoughts are wondering away from our bodies. Taking inventory of our senses can help to connect our minds to our bodies and focus us on the present moment.

4)   Take your thoughts captive.

Life is busy; your mind may be busier. The more you practice being present the more you will begin to notice how often your mind wanders to the past or the future. It’s normal for your thoughts to wander, but if you’re going to practice being present it’s important to learn to recognize when your thoughts have wandered, accept the fact, and then graciously bring your thoughts back to the present. If certain thoughts seem to keep creeping in then get out a pen and paper. Write out your thoughts, leave them on the paper, and come back to it another time if necessary. The good news is that the more you practice, the easier it becomes to refocus your thoughts.

 Hopefully these practical suggestions will get you started in living more fully in the present moment. As was previously stated, however, the practice of being present requires conscious effort. 

Are you ready to start living in the present moment? 

Take five minutes now and practice connecting your mind to the present moment by focusing more on one of your senses... the results can be immediate and the benefits of continued practice, long-lasting. 

You’ve already lived through the past, worrying can’t do anything to change the future, why not join me and start living in the PRESENT?

Take Time to Give Thanks

Take Time to Give Thanks

Thankfulness is something we tend to reflect on during the holidays, obviously giving it the most attention on Thanksgiving. While the holidays are a great time to be purposeful in giving thanks, we would all benefit from making thankfulness a part of each and every day. A recent article I read only seems to bolster this perspective. Belle Cooper, at the Huffington Post, recently wrote an article titled, "Ten Simple Things You Can Do Today That Will Make You Happier, Backed By Science”. Number ten on her list was practicing gratitude. Citing two research studies she noted that practicing gratitude was likely to increase one’s positive affect, life satisfaction, and interpersonal relationships. In addition, Ann Voskamp, author of “One Thousand Gifts,” wrote a book about the importance of giving thanks and her journey of learning to count her blessings. She goes so far as to say that the simple act of counting your blessings “is guaranteed to change your life.”

Inspired by resources such as these, as well as by the thankful spirit of a close friend, one year ago I decided to create a thankfulness jar. It was nothing spectacular, just an old glass jar I had lying around that I decided to fill with notes of thankfulness. Each night before going to bed I would write down the various things, big or small, that I had to be thankful for throughout the day. I would then fold up the paper, slip it into the jar, and go to sleep with thoughts of thankfulness on my mind.

Did it change my life? 

I’m not sure I can say that it did, but it certainly changed my perspective and helped to cultivate a spirit of contentment and thankfulness within me. It helped to draw my focus away from life’s disappointments and towards the things I might have otherwise taken for granted.  

Dietrich Bonhoeffer has been quoted saying, "In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich."

In order to embrace the perspective that our lives are truly “rich,” we need to incorporate gratitude into the most ordinary of days. There is no right or wrong way to practice thankfulness but sometimes having a specific way that it becomes part of your routine is helpful. 

Here are some practical ideas…

• Thankfulness Journal/Letters
• Jar of Thanks (Make it your own!)
• Thankfulness Board (Post-it Notes or 3x5 Cards on a bulletin board)
• Take pictures throughout your day of things you're thankful for. Save it on your computer for a later project or print and display them as daily reminders.

Taking time to be thankful for the things you’ve been given only seems to multiply the blessings. Why not give it a try?

What are you thankful for?

"Unwrapping" the Seasons.

“Unwrapping” the Seasons.

Summer is gone.

I’m not sure I’m ready to say goodbye to the flowers, green leaves, sunny days at the beach or the freedom to enjoy so many outdoor activities. The seasons come and go without any concern of whether or not I’m ready. I’ve got to adjust my wardrobe, my plans, and my expectations.

As I contemplated the changing of the seasons I called to mind C.S. Lewis’ “The Screwtape Letters”

“He [God] has balanced the love of change in them by a love of permanence. He has contrived to gratify both tastes together in the very world He has made, by that union of change and permanence which we call Rhythm. He gives them seasons, each season different yet every year the same, so that spring is always felt as a novelty yet always as the recurrence of an immemorial theme.”

We were made for both change and permanence and we experience both in our careers, relationships, homes, and day-to-day experiences. However, regardless of the fact that change is a natural part of life, we sometimes fight against it. Whether we choose change or whether it comes unexpectedly, it can be hard to leave behind that which is comfortable and step into something new. We don’t like being pulled out of our comfort zone – we want that which is familiar, we want to feel settled, we want to reclaim our losses. We get stuck in our ways and fail to take hold of new opportunities. By doing this we miss out on experiencing life the way God designed it.

When change comes how do you respond? Are you focusing longingly on the past, dwelling on that which you no longer have, or are you thankful for the previous experiences and able to embrace the future with open arms? Often times the problem with moving forward lies in our thinking. We focus so much on the comfort of permanence that we lose sight of the blessing of change.

What is necessary is a change in perspective.

     

 What would happen if we not only learned to accept change but if we actually viewed it as a gift 

that has yet to be unwrapped?

Consider the current change in season.

“Unwrapping” the gift of fall means choosing to focus on the changing colors of the autumn leaves, the crisp chill in the air that makes you feel alive, the crunching of the leaves as you walk through the park, and opportunities to enjoy pumpkin spiced lattes and football.

Here are a few things to consider when experiencing a new season of life:

1.     Gift #1: An Opportunity to Grow
Change stretches us. It pushes us past our limits and into places where we sometimes feel uncomfortable. Although we might be quick to think this is a bad thing, if we adjust our perspective we can begin to see how this presses us on to maturity.

2.     Gift #2: An Opportunity to Depend on God
We enjoy life when it’s simple and convenient because it’s easy to get through on our own. We don’t usually prefer the help or assistance of others; we like to be independent. Change is beautiful in that it calls us into deeper relationship with our Heavenly Father and allows us to reflect on the permanence and consistency of His nature and character – the very things that give us hope when everything around us seems unstable.  

3.     GIFT #3: An Opportunity for Adventure!

Change is potent at keeping away the boredom and monotony that we sometimes experience throughout the day-to-day occurrences of life. New experiences have the ability to make us come alive. Learn to be present in each new experience. Let your senses be activated, take it all in and enjoy the freshness that comes with a new season.

Viewing change as a gift frees us to move through life with an excitement about the unexpected adventures, challenges, and changes we experience along the way.

What are some ways that you can learn to view change as a gift?
What are the blessings that might come as you walk into a new season of life?
What gift do you have that is waiting to be unwrapped?

Start “unwrapping” it and explore the adventure that awaits.

Treatment for anxiety for teens - opportunity from the Anxiety Disorders Awareness Association

Please take advantage of this free training.
Dr. Ganey

You are invited to attend the next free ADAA public education webinar.
The Anxiety and Depression Trap in Teenagers
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
(7:00 pm EST / 6:00pm CST / 5:00 pm MST / 4:00 pm PST)

Anne Marie Albano, PhD, ABPP
Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology in Psychiatry Director, Columbia University Clinic for Anxiety and Related Disorders (CUCARD)
Dr. Albano, one of the world’s foremost experts on anxiety in children, directs a clinic aimed at helping children, adolescents, and adults overcome their worries and anxieties.
A live 35-minute PowerPoint presentation will be followed by a brief Q&A session.

Sign up now: Send an e-mail for the login details; please type Attend Webinar in the subject line and include your first and last names and e-mail address. There are no fees. We look forward to your joining us.

About the Free ADAA Public Education Webinar Series
ADAA presents free webinars to the public on topics covering some of the most frequently asked questions about psychological and pharmacological treatment of anxiety disorders, depression, and related disorders for adults and children. Visit the ADAA website for more resources, including videos and podcasts.

To be or Not to be in therapy?

How do you decide if therapy would be helpful for you? When is it time to get help?

At Ganey Counseling and Consultation we encourage people to be proactive in taking care of themselves. So, if you are asking the question "do I need therapy?" it may be  time.

There are many reasons people seek out a counselor. Perhaps a better question than "do I need therapy?" may be "How can I work towards growth and how can I best take care of my well being?" Taking care of ourselves covers a lot of different areas as you may have seen in the post Being Healthy. We take a holistic view on health which means looking at our physical, emotional, mental, social and spiritual health. Therapy can support you in working towards balancing all these areas.

There are clear signals therapy may be necessary in your own emotional and mental health. Having a mental health crisis or having been diagnosed with a mental health disorder is a clear sign. Mental Health concerns are serious and need special attention. In these situations reaching out for therapeutic help is like going to the ER in an emergency. It is more urgent. If you have recently been struggling with your mental health a counselor can guide you, give you information on how to stay safe, and how to best move forward.

Another sign is relational or emotional troubles. Maybe you are not in the midst of crisis, but are experiencing significant struggles. Examples would be behaviors or emotions that seem out of control or unlike you. Difficulties with a spouse or a child. Other times therapy may be helpful is after experiencing significant trauma such as a rape, natural disasters, or violence. When you find yourself stuck and unable to move past a problem, experience, or situation, therapy can help. When a close family member is diagnosis with significant medical problems or mental health issues you can find support through seeing someone who is knowledgeable about these problems and they act as your guide. In these situations going to therapy is like going to the doctor when you notice symptoms of illness.

Other times therapy may not be "necessary" but may be helpful would be after an expected death of a loved one or during difficult life transitions. Often at GCC we see clients who live successful and fulfilling lives, at some point they became aware something was "not quiet right". Others come in because they realized pieces in their past continue to impact them today. They want to experience healing and are unsure how to get there. These are examples of individuals being pro-active in their growth as they reach out for emotional care even though they are not in crisis. Self Care is like eating a regular, healthy, and nutritional diet. Adding therapy in these situations is like bringing on a nutritionist to help support you in understanding more about your own individual health needs.

This is not to say everyone should be in therapy and everyone should always be in therapy. It is to say you may benefit from therapy even though you have not been "diagnosed" or be experiencing significant struggles. "Life is a journey taken one step at a time"* and our next steps are not always clear.

If you are wondering if therapy may be helpful to you, set up a meeting with a local counselor and ask your questions. You can decide together how to move forward and hopefully they will be able to help you find clarity to your concerns.

Ask yourself new questions:

"What does it mean to be healthy in all areas of my life?"

and

"How do I get there?"

**Quote by Dr. Kevin Ganey

Being Healthy...

I was speaking to a colleague not too long ago about how the field of mental health and psychology do a wonderful job at defining what is wrong, pathological, or unhealthy. While at the same time it is more difficult to define what is healthy. If you have ever taken any common psychology courses such as general psychology or abnormal psychology, pathology, or "what went wrong" is often the focus. An Abnormal Psych class is a good example of learning what is wrong by learning to define the different mental health disorders through diagnostic criteria.

Often, in our own lives we can be struggling with a particular issue and know something is wrong, maybe even knowing specifically what is wrong. However, we may be unsure about what we want to be different besides wanting the issue to just "go away." The thinking becomes "I don't know what I want, but I don't want this." The journey towards health requires knowing not only what you want to change about your life, but also what you want your life to be. We can become focused on what we don't like in our lives, without knowing what we really want or what we are striving for.

Although the idea of health and what it means to be healthy is not something that can be discussed in one blog post, it is something we can begin to explore and address. In this post I wanted to share a self care assessment for you to take. It covers a few areas of our lives and asks questions related to healthy living. Not only is it fun to take and see where you are at, it is also a teaching tool which brings awareness to the different areas of our lives which point to health. Health is something to strive for, as well as protect.

Please note, no one test shows whether you are healthy or not healthy, so use this as a tool to examine your life, but not as a formula for health. There are many aspects of health not addressed on this assessment.

So take the test, have fun, and see where you can improve! Whether you have a lot to do, or notice there are a few areas which need more protection, awareness is always the first step.

Self-Care Assessment Worksheet

This assessment tool provides an overview of effective strategies to maintain self-care.  After completing the full assessment, choose one item from each area that you will actively work to improve.

Using the scale below, rate the following areas in terms of frequency:

  5 = Frequently

  4 = Occasionally

  3 = Rarely

  2 = Never

  1 = It never occurred to me

Physical Self-Care

___  Eat regularly (e.g. breakfast, lunch and dinner)

___  Eat healthy

___  Exercise

___  Get regular medical care for prevention

___  Get medical care when needed

___  Take time off when needed

___  Get massages

___  Dance, swim, walk, run, play sports, sing, or do some other physical activity

             that is fun

___  Get enough sleep

___  Wear clothes you like

___  Take vacations

___  Take day trips or mini-vacations

___  Make time away from telephones

___  Other:

Psychological Self-Care

___  Make time for self-reflection

___  Have your own personal psychotherapy

___  Write in a journal

___  Read literature that is unrelated to work

___  Do something at which you are not expert or in charge

___  Decrease stress in your life

___  Let others know different aspects of you

___  Notice your inner experience—listen to your thoughts, judgments,

             beliefs, attitudes, and  feelings

___  Engage your intelligence in a new area, e.g. go to an art museum, history exhibit, 

             sports event, auction, theater performance

___ Practice receiving from others

___ Be curious

___ Say “no” to extra responsibilities sometimes

___ Other:

Emotional Self-Care

___  Spend time with others whose company you enjoy

___  Stay in contact with important people in your life

___  Give yourself affirmations, praise yourself

___  Accept yourself

___  Re-read favorite books, re-view favorite movies

___  Identify comforting activities, objects, people, relationships,

             places and seek them out

___  Allow yourself to cry

___  Find things that make you laugh

___  Express your outrage in social action,  letters and donations, marches, protests

___  Play with children

___  Other:

Spiritual Self-Care

___  Make time for reflection

___  Spend time with nature

___  Find a spiritual connection or community

___  Be open to inspiration

___  Cherish your optimism and hope

___  Be aware of nonmaterial aspects of life

___  Try at times not to be in charge or the expert

___  Be open to not knowing

___  Identify what is meaningful to you and notice its place in your life

___  Meditate

___  Pray

___  Sing

___  Spend time with children

___  Have experiences of awe

___  Contribute to causes in which you believe

___  Read inspirational literature (talks, music, etc.)

___  Other:

Workplace or Professional Self-Care

___  Take a break during the workday (e.g. lunch)

___  Take time to chat with co-workers

___  Make quiet time to complete tasks

___  Identify projects or tasks that are exciting and rewarding

___  Set limits with your clients/consumers and colleagues

___  Balance your workload so that no one day or part of a day is “too much”

___  Arrange your work space so it is comfortable and comforting

___  Get regular supervision, support, or consultation with your manager or supervisor

___  Negotiate for your needs (benefits, pay raise)

___  Have peer support

___  Other:

Balance

___  Strive for balance within your work-life and workday

___  Strive for balance among work, family, relationships, play and rest

 

Adapted from: Transforming the Pain: A Workbook on Vicarious Traumatization.  Saakvitne, Pearlman & St aff of TSI/CAAP (Norton, 1996)

Reshaping a Culture of Busyness

"We are a culture of people who've 

bought into the idea that if we stay busy enough, 

the truth of our lives won't catch up with us." 

(Brown, 2012)

 

Our culture is filled with busyness. Parents run to work or home taking their children to play dates, soccer, basketball, dance, music lessons, school, after school activities, youth group and more. At work professionals and non-professionals alike fly around our jobs (or to one job and then to another) crunching productivity records. Students move constantly from class, to class, to homework, to work, to socializing, and back to class, rarely taking the needed time to relax in a healthy way or sometimes to even sleep.

Being busy is not always a bad thing, but being chronically stressed as we all know has a negative impact on our health. Chronic stress can impact our relationships as well. Being constantly busy can also be a cover up for underlying fears or frustrations. It may be easier to clean the house then to go upstairs and talk to your teenage daughter who remains distant. It may be easier to work late than to face your family at home when your home is a battlefield.

We are all guilty of busyness. Life has daily frustrations and also brings seasons of difficulty which come and go. Those difficult seasons seem to drag on at times. Staying busy (healthy or not) can be a way to cope. If we have a discouraging week it may be easier to fill our world with entertainment, cleaning, projects, or activities as a distraction. Unfortunately, if activities are put in place to cover something up, they turn to bitter experiences and we will no longer enjoy them. They become meaningless. Even good and enjoyable activities can become "busyness".

Being busy can become a way of life and I think our culture often supports this way of life. Maybe the purpose of busyness in your life is not to cover up uncomfortable circumstances, but instead this cover up is a by product. While we are still in the beginning of 2013 lets think about how we can add more quality to our life over quantity. 

Let us make commitments to do less, better. To take more time to nurture our close relationships. Let us back off of the responsibilities we have over committed to and apologize for overextending ourselves. As a spouse, make time for your significant other. As parents, show your children how to take care of themselves by taking care of yourselves. As an employee show the value of your work and others work by having boundaries on your time. As a student show the value of your education by allowing for more space in your life and brain for the knowledge and understanding to sink in.

"In the end its not the years in your life that count

 its the life in the years." 

 Abraham Lincoln

Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly. ( p. 137). New York, NY: Gotham Books.

Welcome

Welcome to the Compass at Ganey Counseling and Consultation. At GCC our three counseling professionals work together to provide quality and individualized counseling in the Bucks County area. Feel free to explore the Compass, our website, or our Facebook pageto learn more about Dr. Kevin Ganey and the therapists who work alongside him at GCC.

As we strive to provide care to our clients inside our office we have developed the desire to do more. We want to provide information and help to those outside of our office. Through the Compass we are hoping to do so. In the future as we begin posting we will share valuable information we have learned through our own studies, experiences in counseling, and in our own lives. We will share overviews of different disorders such as Major Depressive Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder, tips on how to deal with stress, navigating the Holidays, relationships issues, family issues, as well as a lot more.

The Compass will also be a place where we will post resources for you in the community. We hope to feature different organizations and professionals in the area. Life, struggles, and therapy may seem ambiguous and difficult to navigate. We hope the Compass will be another resource for you and your family, whether you yourself are struggling or you know someone who is.

If you have questions feel free to call us at the office (215) 860-2525 or go to our website for more information. Thank you for checking out The Compass and be sure to follow us on blogger or "like" us on Facebook to receive blog updates!

"Life is a journey

taken one step at a time."